It's only words

July 5, 2006

I’ve just gotten home from a long and tiring day of lectures and research. I feel like a student once again! Yeah! Right now my muscles feel like they’re shaking, I’m not sure if they actually are but I still feel like writing. My morning was spent at Philamlife East Sector for training. In the later hours of daytime, the hot, hot weather was absolutely uncooperative in my quest for the references for the assignment Sir Dick gave me. I managed to find a few sources for my script but the National Library renders itself almost useless in providing information for very specific research because the theses I needed were from around forty years ago and they no longer have them.

Mostly, the highlight of my day was that my best friend and I finally met after a rollercoaster 5 months. The last time we saw each other was when she was just getting started with her job at Westin. In the span of time that we didn’t see each other, I got a job, worked my ass off, got sick and tired (literally), and left. And now she’s experienced the same thing. Well, at least up to the point where she worked her ass off. Both of our love lives also evolved drastically during the entire period. Hers was in continuous descent, mine went uphill with events. She was telling me how detached she already was with her current beau, in fact I’m sure she didn’t love him anymore—well not the way she used to. And I can’t blame her. Non-appearance for a very long time and difference of wavelengths are very reasonable grounds for ardoral drift. Such a shame because he was a genuinely good person. Of course Sarah is too. But she used to always complain about him never being vocal about his love (even though she felt it). I think verbal reassurance of one’s love is really important in a relationship. Even though they are simply words, they can give life to any relationship, even resuscitate dying ones. Of course you have to couple them with action or else they’re meaningless. In my case, it built a kind of security that no threat to the relationship, real or imagined, had ever really built a stronghold in my heart. I wish I could feel that way again. I know for a fact that men aren’t really vocal about their emotions, maybe because it’s not a macho thing to do. There were a few times in my life that I missed the opportunity with being someone who loved me because they didn’t say the magic words—or when they said it, I was resolute that there really was nothing special and had moved on. I cannot just assume. I guess in that aspect there is a Maria Clara in me. Then again there are others who make bola all the time. Women know when comments are genuine. I know I do. I just hope the person I love will always reassure me because I can easily feel insignificant and neglected. Anyway, our catching up is encouraging because the ideals that we had back in college were reiterated, and unlike what the world seems to say, we are not the problem. We are simply different and we will change the world, one workplace at a time. I really wish I had these kinds of people to talk to everyday. How I miss UP and the fantasy world that it is. Where I can be free from the judgmental opinions, the limiting rules, the superficial society that is the real world.